Despite the fact that Zydrunas Ilgauskas has been retired for three seasons and the Cleveland Cavaliers retired his No. 11 last season, rumors surfaced recently that the lure of once again playing with his old pal LeBron James would entice Ilgauskas to make a come back.
Ilgauskas' agent, Herb Rudoy stated yesterday "Zyddy is old as hell. He’s done man. Like, so done. He’s not going to leave his hot-ass wife and go on the road for 10 months just to be an LBJ nut hugger".
Illgauskas also sent in a comment to us right here at The Bench, saying “I no nut hugger”.
Willing to get in on the nut hugging game are a few other prominent ex NBA players still searching for that elusive championship to fill the hole in their heart.
Dikembe Mutombo (full name Dikembe Mutombo Mpolondo Mukamba Jean-Jacques Wamutombo … no shit, that’s seriously his full name) has offered to take the veteran’s minimum to come in and play for the Cavs. Mutombo is an 8 time all star, and 4 time defensive player of the year.
Despite retiring in 2009 due to a torn quadriceps tendon of his left knee, Mutombo feels he is still currently better than anything the Cavs frontline can offer in terms of resistance against Eastern Conference big men.
When asked about the possibility of coming off the bench, Mutombo simply extended his index finger and waved it back and forth in this reporter’s face.
It’s no secret that the Cavs need some veteran help in their backcourt since Kyrie Irving plays worse defence than a doorman at a rave (I swear officer. I didn’t know she was 13) and isn’t really as much of a playmaker as he should be.
This opens up an opportunity for another legend to make a comeback.
One of the greatest playmakers to ever play in the NBA, “Pistol” Pete Maravich. Through his Ouija board interpreter, Maravich stated “If LeBron can get Kevin Love to play defence, he can bring me back from the grave. Put me in coach. Goodbye”.
The 12 year old girl operateing the Ouija board asked that no further interviews be requested since it took her 3 and a half hours to spell out that message letter by letter.
In the unlikely event that LeBron is unable to raise the dead, a third NBA retiree has emerged as a possible option.
Allen Iverson.
Recently spotted as a homeless man begging for change outside an Atlanta mall, Iverson offered to perform sexual favours to LeBron James in order to be added to the roster.He stated he would ask NBA Commissioner Adam Silver to waive the veteran minimum salary, and simply play for two Sweet Onion Chicken Teriyaki subs from Subway per day, and a bed at Motel 6.
Honestly, who could blame AI? Those subs are delish.
Clearly the lure of playing with LeBron James is even greater than any of us had realized.
